Trading Places: von liebe und schmerz
by Archdruid-Sephiroth
Summary: Sometimes two hearts are meant to be together despite any barriers of race, gender... or even sanity. A new cross synchronization experiment causes Asuka and Rei to trade bodies. As Asuka struggles to keep her sanity in the body of a living doll, Rei must learn how to live like a human... or suffer irreversible madness. Could love be the answer? Rated M (no lemons). For Qitama.
1. The Switch

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, its characters, or other copyrights. This is a fanfiction story, written by a fan for the enjoyment of other fans. This makes me no money, or gives me any ownership rights, as much as I wish the opposite were true. Everything here is used in accordance with all fair use laws.

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><p><strong>Forward<strong>

* * *

><p>Why a remake?<p>

Why does Hollywood insist on remakes? Have they run out of ideas? Why would I make a remake of a story I already finished? Have I run out of ideas?

No… I haven't. But there are a few reasons why one would want to do a remake of a story that was already completed.

Firstly, one could do a remake simply to explore another possible set of circumstances and see how the characters would react.

One could remake a story by taking out elements in the original that didn't work as well, or that took away from the overall point of the story.

One could remake a story simply to see if they could do it better this time.

Finally, and rarely, one could remake a story because someone else they respect said it should be remade a different way… someone who the author trusts the opinion of.

So which was it for me? All of the above. There were plenty of things that I did in the original Trading Places that should have been done differently. There were things that should have been focused on more, and things that should not have been touched on at all. Sub plots were explored that didn't directly relate to the events of the story until the very end… And then, they only exist to make a neat and tidy ending. I won't mention specifics; you already know what I'm talking about if you read the original.

All of it drew attention away from the true meat of the story… the trauma suffered by the two main characters, and how they got over it together. And that wasn't fully fleshed out and realistically looked at.

This remake seeks to undo all of the things I did wrong the first time around. It seeks to make a better story, one that lovers of hurt/comfort and angst fics can enjoy. It is no longer filled with sexual content, but with truly tender moments. Lime is not out of the question, but lemon content will be left out of this one. There are more than enough of such fics out there already, and there are plenty of authors that do it better than me.

I hope I have succeeded in making this a better version, and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for reading, and if you find yourself unable to finish, then thank you for giving it a fair shake at least.

_For Qitama_

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

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><p>The year is 2015… Mankind is the midst of a war for survival. Fifteen years ago, an event known as Second Impact shifted the axis of the earth and plunged the world into chaos. Signs and portents told of the coming of the messengers, and mankind responded by creating the war machines known as Evangelions.<p>

But what were the Evangelions really? Did they have minds of their own? Souls perhaps? Only those in power within the organization that controlled them, called NERV, and its hidden benefactor, SEELE knew for certain.

But this is not a tale of giant mecha battles against biblical terrors… this is not the story of mankind's struggles… no… This is the story of a pair of young and beautiful girls who despite their differences secretly love each other. Each however, has her reasons for keeping that knowledge a secret from the other.

One of the girls isn't even fully human. Her name is Rei Ayanami. She is an artificial construct created by the merging of DNA from an angel and a human being. She was created with a purpose, and Rei knew well her purpose. The leader of NERV would one day use her to bridge the gap between the material world and the afterlife and bring back the woman he loved. For Rei, existence was next to meaningless; she felt nothing, she experienced nothing, her emotions were nearly dead, and apathy was a way of life for this exotic, azure-headed, crimson-eyed girl.

That changed shortly after the defeat of the sixth angel, Gaghiel. The Second Child of NERV had arrived. Even at first sight, Rei knew there was something about her that made her stand out. It wasn't the girl's red hair or exotic blue eyes. Her personality exuded enough confidence to make an entire Special Forces team rethink their own places in life. It was almost intoxicating, and for the first time, Rei truly felt something… but it was something she knew would always be denied her.

Rei had felt desire. She wanted to know what that level of confidence felt like, wanted to know what it was like to have such strong emotions. But Rei knew they were not hers to have… and so, Rei felt instead a shadow of another emotion… envy. In the end, Rei decided that this girl would be far too much of a distraction from her purpose.

So on that fateful day when Asuka Langely Sohryu announced to her that they should be friends, Rei responded in such a way that was sure to push the girl away from her; she told her she would only be her friend if she was ordered to do so. All at once, Rei sealed off that gateway by insuring that Asuka would never try to get close to her.

But Rei was wrong about that…

Asuka's debute battle against the twin angels of Israfel highlighted just what a weakness overconfidence could be. Her attempts later to fall into the plan to beat the angels with a precisely coordinated attack proved difficult as her partner, Shinji Ikari, could not keep up with her. Misato suggested that Rei try to synch with the young man, and the azure headed girl quickly proved that she could do so.

Asuka was flustered immediately by this situation. It made her try harder, swallow a bit of her pride, and reduce her speed to Shinji's level until Shinji trained hard enough to catch up.

But during that time, Asuka started to see the apathetic girl in a new light. She messed up a lot trying to get the synch right because she was suddenly uncomfortable training in front of her. Rei was always there to remind her that at any moment, she could replace her… and there was no way Asuka would allow that to happen. Towards the end, Asuka coaxed Shinji to heights of performance the boy didn't think he was capable of reaching. But this was less a means to an end, a more a way to try to impress Rei… to show her she had what it took.

The apathetic girl, of course, didn't respond to such displays of prowess. But part of Asuka was convinced there was a normal girl somewhere underneath that stoic exterior, and she really wanted to bring her out. For weeks after the battle with Israfel, Asuka tried to get Rei to open up, but Rei seemed to be purposefully avoiding such. Asuka saw it less as apathy and more for what it was. Rei was avoiding her purposefully because Asuka was, in fact, getting to the girl. But no matter how well Asuka played her role, she came to realize that there was only so much Rei could express.

This made the redhead sad… she knew there had to be something else stopping her, and she didn't doubt that Commander Ikari had something to do with it. After all, Rei was the Commander's favorite, though she was certainly the weakest of the Children in terms of piloting skill.

The day of the test in the simulation bodies, Asuka had made it her personal goal to learn just what it was that kept Rei so docile and apathetic towards life. She knew it couldn't have possibly been normal.

That day they had to test in the nude. Of course Asuka threatened Shinji with certain doom if he looked at her as they made their way to the simulation bodies. Rei on the other hand was so apathetic about everything that she simply walked to the bodies before the other two even left the shower stalls. Asuka couldn't help but see everything Rei had to offer, especially since she was kind enough to turn around and ask the other two if they were coming or not.

To Asuka, Rei represented a perfection she could never find in herself at her young age. Hints of motherly beauty along with bodily perfection Asuka only wished she had. Though she had filled out her form well, Asuka was still very thin and much of her charms were mostly understated. Rei was a full year younger than her and had a body that represented someone at least four years her senior.

After the embarrassment of the retrieval after the eleventh angel was destroyed, Asuka went home and thought about Rei. She knew something was wrong with her, and a small part of her was actually afraid that in order to truly learn how to talk to the girl… she may just have to become the girl.

She shuddered at that thought. Becoming like a doll was a nightmare scenario she never wanted to face. As she slept that night, she had no idea of the machinations happening elsewhere that would make her face that nightmare… and in doing so, expose the girl she secretly loved to one of her own….

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><p><strong>Archdruid Sephiroth Presents<strong>

**A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction Story**

**Trading Places: **_**Von liebe und schmerz**_

**(Of Love and Pain)**

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><p>Last night was utter hell for Asuka. She hated the idea of having to be naked for a simulation test in the first place. Then an angel shows up, forcing the three pilots to be ejected into Lake Ashi. The retrieval crew was about as lecherous as she expected, and it took a previous 40 seconds before she was finally able to cover up.<p>

She thought she heard something, but ignored it as she continued to lament over her horrid night.

Rei of course was absolutely carefree, but no one leered at her despite her obvious superiority in physical form compared to Asuka. Probably because being the commander's pet had its inherit advantages. Sometimes she wished he would take enough of a notice of her so that people would leave her alone, she was tired of the catcalls in the cages from the workers there.

Again, she thought she heard something but simply pulled the pillow over her head and tried to ignore it.

After everything was said and done, debriefing was about an hour longer than it needed to be. She was dead tired by the time she got home, and still felt more than just a little embarrassed. What didn't help was that Misato was going to be forced to fill out all kinds of paper work and oversee the repairs of the bridge in the wake of the attack, and that meant she and Shinji were on their own to get to class this morning, and…

"Wait…"

Asuka finally realized just what it was that she was hearing in between her thoughts. Shinji was trying to wake her up. She jumped up out of bed, noticing that class was about to start in a matter of minutes and did her best to rush her morning routine. Shinji didn't leave her any breakfast though he did make her bento as he always did.

_So eine gottverdammte Scheisse! Ich kann nicht glauben, dass ich verschlafen habe_!" she complained in German, bitching about sleeping in to the only person who could even hear her… herself. In 20 minutes she managed to quickly feed herself, get dressed and start running to school. (Goddamnit, fucking shit… I can't believe I overslept!)

She arrived nearly one hour late to class despite her best efforts. Asuka attempted to sneak to her seat without the sensei seeing her as he was still droning about pre-Second Impact Japan while looking out the window. However the moment she sat down, he turned and looked right at her.

"How nice of you to join us, Miss Sohryu," he said with only a slightest hint of anger in his voice. "Next time either call the main office and tell them you'll be late, or don't show up at all."

"Yes, Sensei," Asuka agreed. Already she could hear the rumor mill talking about her being late. This wasn't something she needed, and she knew it would be the start of a very bad day. She looked over towards Rei and noticed she was looking out the window… but she wasn't leaning on her hand this time. In fact… if Asuka didn't know better, she'd say that Rei had quickly turned to the window as soon as Asuka looked her way.

'_Must be imagining things,' _Asuka thought.

But Rei was looking on, and a small part of her was concerned.

'_Pilot Sohryu is not having a good day,'_ she noted. _'This could cause issues. Her psychological profile indicates she could react violently to negative overstimulation.'_ Though Rei knew that was true of many humans, her observations of the red-head told her the situation was much more critical with her. She would have to watch the situation carefully.

'_Why do you care?'_ said a voice in her mind.

_I simply do._

* * *

><p><strong>Later<strong>

* * *

><p>Outside, Asuka tried to enjoy the sunshine and was just about finished with her lunch. It was way too quiet... It seemed most of her admirers weren't trying to get closer to her today, and even her friend, Class Representative Hikari was apparently too busy to spend time with her. Sighing, she went to put her bento box away when her phone started ringing.<p>

She picked it up, seeing the call was coming from NERV.

"This is Pilot Sohryu," Asuka replied immediately.

"Hey, Asuka," came the voice of Misato. "How are you holding up."

"Fine," Asuka said with perhaps a bit more of an edge that she wanted.

"That good huh? Well I hate to rain on your parade even more, but we need you and Rei to come into NERV directly after school."

"What?!" Asuka questioned. "Why?"

"Can't talk about it now, the line is not that secure. But it is important."

Asuka sighed. "Fine. I'll be there."

"Good, see you then." Misato hung up.

"_Na klasse…_" (Just perfect…)

* * *

><p><strong>Later<strong>

* * *

><p>Asuka found out why she and Rei were called back to NERV that evening, and she wasn't pleased.<p>

"We've been through this already!" Asuka complained as Doctor Akagi and Major Katsuragi finished the explanation. "We know the cross-synchronization experiments end in failure, or worse! One even ended badly as I recall!"

"I am forced to agree with Pilot Sohryu," Rei replied uncharacteristically voicing an opinion. But before Asuka could get her hopes up, her next words dashed them. "But, I will of course comply."

"You could get hurt," Asuka pointed out. "Even killed!"

"I can be replaced," Rei replied in deadpan, inwardly wondering why Asuka was suddenly taking an interest in her well-being.

Asuka however, was flabbergasted. What would possibly possess the girl to think she was simply replicable, like a broken circuit or other component?

"_Oh, mien Gott_, I can't believe you just said that," Asuka complained. "You're not some spare hose or wire, Rei… You are a human being!"

"Why do you care?" Rei challenged calmly, listening to her voice for clues.

Asuka frowned. "Look, just because we don't get along that well doesn't mean I want to see harm come to you."

"I see," Rei replied. But for a moment, Asuka almost saw something there… disappointment?

Rei was disappointed. Though she did her best to push Asuka away, a small part of her actually hoped she felt something for her still. _'I know it is something I can never have,' _Rei thought_, 'but even a hint of it would be better than nothing at all. I wish I could feel things the way she does.'_

"In either case," Misato said, ending her thoughts, "get suited up and get ready."

* * *

><p><strong>Later<strong>

* * *

><p>Several hours later, Asuka sat in the plug of Unit 00. It was about what she expected… she was having issues synchronizing with what was, in her opinion, an outdated unit. The smell was interesting to her though. The LCL smelled more like sandlewood, and a fresh open field… there were Rei-like smells there. But Asuka found herself also feeling like she was being watched by some unseen force, one that didn't particularly care for her.<p>

"How are you holding up, Asuka?" came Misato's voice over the com-link.

"I feel like I'm being watched," Asuka replied. "Like something here doesn't want me here. It's making it hard to synch." Asuka frowned. "_Mein Gott_, are we done yet? I'm not sure how much more of this I can take!"

Rei meanwhile was suffering from similar feelings. She could smell the light perfumes Asuka normally wore to attract attention to herself, but then always bitterly complained about the same attention.

'_Pilot Sohryu has always been a puzzle to me,' _Rei thought. _'She does things to attract attention to herself, but then complains about the attention she receives. Is she looking for something in particular?' _Then she remembered Asuka's protests at her insistence that she could be replaced. _'Am I the one she is trying to attract, despite all of the work I have done to keep her away? Why would she continue to persist like this?'_

"How about you Rei?"

The Major's question tore her from her thoughts. She concentrated a moment on the feelings inside the plug, but suddenly found that she too felt as if she were being watched by something that didn't want her there.

"It appears I am suffering the same sensations as Pilot Sohryu," Rei explained. "There is a general feeling that I am being observed by something… malevolent."

"Malevolent?"

Before Rei could expand on the feeling she felt like something just took ahold of her. She gasped in surprise, and heard Asuka do the same at the same instant.

"Something's wrong!" Asuka yelled over the link. "I feel like something just grabbed me by the back!"

"I am experiencing the same," Rei replied.

Before Misato could question, Maya yelled out an update.

"Synchronization levels spiking!" she yelled. "Both children are around 70 now!"

"Asuka, Rei, listen to me," Misato began. "Try to back out of the synch if you can. Something's happening and we can't explain what it is yet."

"Working on it,"Asuka stated with a tinge of fear in her voice. Rei looked worriedly at the com window Asuka was in, realizing the fear was getting to her. Though Rei didn't feel it herself, she knew Asuka must be.

Another jolt was felt, this time both girls stiffened as if something just grabbed them by their spines. Rei gasped in pain and Asuka started screaming.

"Damn it! What's happening!" Misato yelled.

"Sychonizaiton ratio is climbing rapidly!" Maya reported. "Now at 120 and rising!"

"Over 100, that can't be good,"Misato whispered. "Eject the cords! Do it now!"

With a massive double boom, the umbilical plugs of both units slammed into the bottom of the test chamber.

"Separation complete," Shigeru replied. "Eva's have switched to internal power. Shut down in 60 seconds!"

Despite the synch-climb, both EVA's weren't moving. Suddenly the jaw restraints on both EVA's shattered as they cried out. Their bodies were still not moving.

"What's happening?!" Misato yelled. She'd seen EVAs go berserk before, but this was quite different.

"The EVAs seem to be experiencing some kind of paralysis," Makoto replied. "Nerve signals are not reaching the body and are all localized in the head. "

"Get us out!" Asuka and Rei yelled as one. It felt like something was trying to rip them out of their bodies. "It's killing us!"

Misato's heart jumped as she realized both of the girls spoke in unison.

"Synch score crossing 200!" Maya yelled.

"Damn it," Ritsuko yelled. "We have to stop this before they hit 300."

"What happens at 300?" Misato asked fearfully.

Ritsuko looked at her with a concerned look. "They suffer the same fate as Yui," she said flatly.

"30 seconds till shutdown!" Shigeru reported.

Misato gave the only order she knew would stop this. "We have no choice… Eject the Plugs, now!"

Makoto hit a sequence followed by punching his console. "Damn it! The EVA's are rejecting the command interface! We can't stop it!"

"10 seconds!" Shigeru yelled.

At this point both girls were screaming in agony, and very nearly in unison. Asuka pried her eyes open for a second, looking past the tears that poured out and saw, what appeared to be the inside of her own plug. Before she could ponder the meaning of this, darkness overtook her. Rei experienced the exact same thing, only it was her own EVA's plug she saw before everything went dark.

"Shutdown!" Shigeru reported. Both EVA's heads fell limp.

Misato and Ritusko ran into the cage, Misato opening Asuka's plug, and Ritsuko working on getting Rei's opened.

Asuka was completely unconscious. Misato took her pulse and was relieved to find there was still one.

"Let's get them to the medical ward," Ritsuko said as she grabbed her phone to call for gurneys.

* * *

><p><strong>Much Later<strong>

* * *

><p>Rei was the first to awaken. She remembered hearing herself screaming and awoke with a start. She carefully sat up, trying hard not make herself light headed when she felt her hair begin to cascade over her shoulders. In the darkness of the room, she couldn't see anything.<p>

"Strange," she whispered and realized immediately her voice was not her own. Knowing instantly that something was very wrong she got out of bed, only to fall to the floor as her balance completely shattered. Rei ignored the pain she felt in her joints from the impact and worked on standing back up.

If her hair was this long, it indicated she had been in a coma for at least a few years. Why was she still alive? She should have been replaced in accordance with Commander Ikari's scenario by now, and yet… here she was. And why was her voice so different, what could that mean? As she stood up she took a tentative step and nearly fell over again.

'_Why do I have to relearn how to walk?´_ she asked herself. _'Did I suffer some kind of cranial trauma?'_

She entered the bathroom carefully and held onto the counter for support. Her eyes slammed shut the moment she turned on the light as it was far too bright. But this also confused her. Part of her angelic heritage granted her the ability to adjust to light levels very quickly, much faster than humans normally could. In fact, her angelic regeneration should have already gotten rid of the pain she was still feeling in her knees and back from the fall she took a few moments ago.

As her eyes finally adjusted to the light she opened them completely and was greeted with a sight she was not expecting. She wasn't herself at all…

Her hand rose up to touch the mane of red hair that framed her face. It was messy from the bed but beautiful despite it being the color she hated. Her hands slid down her frame, sliding over the hospital gown, and she paid attention to the shape. She had gotten smaller, and her blue eyes followed every curve of her new body.

'_No wonder my balance was off,'_ she concluded. _'This is not my body… this is…'_

Her eyes locked onto her face in the mirror. Rei was looking into the mirror… but Asuka was staring back at her.

"This," she whispered to herself, "was not part of the scenario…"

* * *

><p><strong>Many Rooms Away<strong>

* * *

><p>Asuka woke up groggy. Her mind thought at first that she was dreaming as everything seemed to be viewed through a filter. Of course it was a very dark filter with the lights out. She could barely make out anything in the room.<p>

Her head throbbed a little but strangely, it felt muted, as if it were only a suggestion of a headache.

"What's wrong with me," she whispered and immediately stopped. She just spoke in a voice that wasn't her own. Her hand rose up to her head and the tips of her hair. Her heart beat a little faster at the realization that her hair was much shorter than it should be. She didn't know what was wrong but she knew something terrible had happened.

She pinched herself and felt the pain, though muted. With her adrenaline up due to the fear, she felt a little more than she did before and was now convinced she was awake. She got out of bed quickly intending to go to the bathroom but instantly she took a misstep and fell to the floor with a thump.

"Ow," she whispered. "Why can't I walk?!" She carefully got back to her feet and made her way to the bathroom by holding onto things as she tried to train herself to find her balance again.

Everything felt wrong. She felt fuller in her body than she ever had before, but it felt alien to her. Finally grasping the counter she turned on the light only to be blinded by it. She closed her eyes and felt the pain subside quickly… far too quickly. Her eyes opened again and she found she could see. A gasp left her lips as she immediately wished she couldn't.

Red eyes stared back at her from the mirror. A mop of azure hair framed her face, messy from lying on the bed for what must have been a few hours. Her free hand ran though the silky strands and she watched how it moved.

"Too perfect… artificial," her fears told her. Even her eyes seemed glassy and unreal. Her feelings began to fade as the adrenaline began to subside and suddenly fear replaced her lack of emotions, gripping at her very soul as she realized she had suddenly become the thing she hated the most.

… a living doll.

It didn't matter that she was looking at Rei's body, or Rei's face, or that she knew if she'd only look down she'd see that perfect body again… no… all that mattered was the fact that she now felt what she knew Rei felt all the time…

… almost nothing. It was like being dead inside.

The realization of what had truly happened to her caused her to push away from the counter and into the wall behind her. Suddenly, the face in the mirror seemed even more manufactured as her mind ran away with her fear. Terror seeped into her veins as she watched her eyes being to swirl, transforming into a pair of 4-holed buttons. An evil giggle seemed to come from the mirror as she watched her mouth become twisted into a sewn on smile, and her hair seemed to thicken into strands of azure yarn right before her very eyes.

Asuka's eyes widened as the horror of what she was seeing continued to devolve. The doll seemed at that moment to speak to her, and she heard the voice… like a ghost from her past.

"_Come little one… die with me…"_

It was too much. She dropped out of sight of the mirror as gooseflesh ripped across her skin. She screamed in terror, crossing her arms over herself in an attempt to protect her fragile form. The lack of feeling seemed to drop away as cold terror filled her veins and again. She screamed out, breaking into crying at the end of each lung burning horrified sound.

Ritsuko was nearby in one of the other rooms when he heard the screaming. Without hesitation she ran into the room and saw who she thought was Rei against the wall in the bathroom screaming. From a girl who never showed fear, this was disorienting to the doctor.

"Rei what is it?" Ritsuko said as she quickly knelt next to the girl. She was suddenly taken aback as the azure headed girl clung to her and started bawling hard.

"What happened to me?!" she cried into the lab coat. "Why did this happen?!"

"What? Why did what happen?" Ritsuko asked, trying to get answers out of her, but all she had was confusion and her obvious terror.

"I did something… this is my punishment isn't it! It must be!"

Ritsuko looked down at her with an odd look. Rei never used contractions before. "Did something?" she asked trying to get some kind of clarification from the hysterical child.

"Forgive me please…" she whimpered. "_Vater unser, der du bist im Himmel, geheiligt werde dein Name!_"

Instantly recognizing the fact that Rei was suddenly reciting a catholic prayer in German, her world shattered like glass before a wrecking ball… This wasn't Rei at all, this was…

"Oh, my God," she whispered in her shock before finally asking tentatively, "… Asuka?"

"Doctor! Please! You have to help me! _Mien Gott,_ this is a nightmare!"

Ritsuko held the former red head to her. "Try to calm down," Ritsuko coaxed. "There has got to be a logical explanation for this."

"_Ich bin eine Marionette!_" she cried out between tears. "_Bitte Gott, hilf mir!_" (I'm a doll! Please, God help me!)

"You're only going to hurt yourself on the floor," Ritsuko offered. "Come on… let's get you back to your bed where you can be warm and comfortable.

Asuka said nothing, simply nodding as she stood up with the doctor. Her eyes darted briefly towards the mirror, but the doll-like apparition was gone, replaced with Rei's face. Her eyes were even more red than normal, likely because of Asuka's crying.

Ritsuko carefully helped Asuka back into her room and back onto her bed. Asuka sat down pulling the covers and blanket around her once the bottle-blonde let her go.

"Feeling any better?"

"Ja..." she whispered tentatively. "A little. Doctor… what has happened to me?"

Ritsuko sighed. "Well the only obvious explanation is that you somehow ended up in Rei's body. I couldn't begin to tell you how that happened, not until I've done a lot more research."

Asuka nodded, accepting the explanation for now. She shivered a bit, remembering what she saw in the mirror, but tried to put it out of her mind. She knew how her brain can run away with her, so it must have been a simple combination of being half-asleep and the sudden shock of being in Rei's body. That brought on another question in her mind.

"Try to rest," Ritsuko said as Asuka started putting things together. "I'll be nearby. I have to check on your body."

"Do you… do you think Rei's in my body?" Asuka asked.

"This might sound kind of bad… but I hope so," Ritsuko replied. "The alternative of having both of you in the same brain is something I can't think about."

Asuka let the Doctor go. "I hope she's okay," she whispered.

Ritsuko found that odd considering she was sure they hated each other, but this was now the second time Asuka showed any interest in Rei's wellbeing in front of her. Ritsuko took another moment to make sure Asuka was comfortable.

"Rest now, I'll be back."

Asuka nodded and turned over on her side, curling into a ball under the covers.

Ritsuko pondered what had happened. She knew without a doubt it had something to do with the experiment, but how did it happen?

'_A mystery for a later time,' _Ritsuko told herself.

In the room where Asuka's body was taken after the incident Ritsuko entered and realized instantly that Rei was awake and she was likely in the bathroom. Ritsuko held her breath and walked to the doorway.

Sure enough, inside the bathroom Asuka's body was standing in front of the mirror wearing only a hospital gown and staring at herself. She seemed to be going over everything with a combination of clinical completeness and something that was not native to the girl… curiosity.

"Rei?" Ritsuko tentatively whispered. She watched the girl's head turn towards her, confirming in the doctor's mind that Rei's consciousness was in fact inside the body of Asuka Langely Sohryu.

"Doctor Akagi," she replied in deadpan. Hearing Asuka's voice speaking in such a manner was disorienting considering the sheer level of emotion the redhead normally puts in all of her words.

"Are you okay?" Ritsuko asked.

"I wish I could answer that," Rei replied honestly. "I feel very strange, everything around me seems sharper somehow."

"You should rest," Ritsuko offered. Rei as usual took it as an order and immediately, but carefully as she was still not used to the balance of Asuka's body yet, made her way into the main room. She laid down on the bed, pulling the covers over her.

"Do you need anything to help you sleep?" Ritsuko asked.

"Do you believe it will help?" Rei replied immediately. Ritsuko nodded. "Then yes."

Ritsuko gave her a sedative, remembering to cut back the dosage. She took it without complaint.

"Is Pilot Sohryu well?" Rei asked as she laid down.

Ritsuko paused a moment, finding it odd she would ask that. "No… she's not taking her current… situation well."

"I see," Rei replied. "Please take care of her."

Ritsuko was a little shocked to hear a request like that from the Commander's Doll. "Of course." She replied immediately.

Rei nodded and tried to sleep.

Ritsuko left the room quietly and looked at the clock, seeing it was only a little past midnight.

"I'm going to need Misato for this," she decided. "This is going to be a long day…."

* * *

><p><em>Nun liebe Kinder gebt fein acht (Now, dear children pay attention)<em>

_ich bin die Stimme aus dem Kissen (I am the voice from the pillow)_

_ich hab euch etwas mitgebracht (I've brought you something)_

_hab es aus meiner Brust gerissen (have it cut from my chest)_


	2. The Voice From The Pillow

**II: die Stimme aus dem Kissen**

**(The Voice from the Pillow)**

* * *

><p>At around 2:30am, Rei awoke with a start. She knew something strange happened to her while she slept but she couldn't remember any particular details about what it was exactly. She sat up carefully and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Gently, she nudged herself forward until both of her feet had touched the cold infirmary floor. Satisfied she had her balance she carefully took a step forward and found that she was finally getting used to the new body.<p>

She entered the bathroom and turned on the light, this time closing her eyes first so that she wouldn't hurt herself. Taking her time, her eyes eventually adjusted and she was able to open them again. She stared at her face in the mirror for a few minutes as she began to remember the details of what happened to her.

"_I have traded places with Pilot Sohryu," _she thought to herself. _"It seems impossible, but it has happened none-the-less. Is it because my soul is transient? But Asuka's soul is not transient."_

She yawned, the effects of the sedative were still weighing on her, acting in many ways as the filter she experienced in her own body. The difference of course here is that she normally didn't feel tired all the time. Rei turned back towards the door back to her room and saw the aforementioned doctor standing in the doorway.

"You should be sleeping," Ritsuko noted.

"I know," Rei replied, pushing her long red hair over her shoulder. "I seem to be having issues staying asleep."

"It's far too soon for another sedative," the Doctor noted.

Rei nodded and walked passed the doctor into the bed room. "Are you any closer to determining how this happened?" she asked.

"No," Ritsuko replied. "I'm still trying to figure that out. I can't seem to find any direct evidence as to what caused the initial shift."

Rei sat down on the bed and immediately began to feel uncomfortable. "Is… is this somehow my fault?"

"Blame is the last thing I'm looking at right now," Ritsuko replied. "I'm looking at cause and effect. Based on that, I hope to figure out how to reverse it."

Rei frowned. _'She is avoiding the question,' _Rei concluded. _'Why would she do that?'_

"If it was a specific individual, I'll find out soon enough, and they will be held accountable. But don't worry about that right now. I want to you to at least try to get some more sleep."

Ritsuko assisted in making Rei comfortable, though Rei felt anything but. Ritsuko was being evasive with her and she knew it, and she would find out why. But not now; for now she let Ristuko try to act like a mother to her, though she was the last person she would want as a mother.

Ritsuko's mother was responsible for the death of her first incarnation. What was to stop the daughter from following in the footsteps of the mother? Rei wasn't stupid… she knew Ritsuko secretly hated her because of how much of Commander Ikari's attention she had. If the doctor only knew how much that attention cost her in the long run… she shuddered as she thought back, and felt the Commander's eyes on her in the tube of LCL she linked to the Dummy Plug System through. Every year, she looked more and more like his dead wife, the woman Rei would one day sacrifice her life to bring back into reality. There was little now to stop him from living out some brash fantasy upon her since she had reached legal age in this prefecture. Though he had yet to act, she knew it was only a matter of time.

Before, such things wouldn't have bothered her… but freedom from the drugs that made her the doll she was meant to be has started awakening her to the harsh realities of her positon. Suddenly the undue attention seemed wrong on so many levels, and she understood, if only on a rudimentary level why.

Ritusko said nothing else as she left the room. Rei settled back in and focused on the marks on her face when she woke up. Did she dream? If she did, what sort of dream would have made her cry in her sleep? She had done her best to clean the marks, but the entire situation was unsettling to her. Rei never cried before.

It took her several more minutes of pondering before she felt herself beginning to drift towards sleep. But this was mostly due to a major concern she had that affected her very near future… What happens when the drugs wear off and she is awake again? She had noticed things felt and looked different somehow when she first awoke in Asuka's body. It was a lot of sensory information for her to process at once. What if she couldn't handle it all?

* * *

><p><strong>Later<strong>

* * *

><p>After the accident took place, Gendo had ordered Ritsuko to gather as much detail as she could about what happened and to come to his office when ready. She had a deadline of 2am. She wasn't late.<p>

Gendo watched impassively as the video footage of "Rei's" hospital bathroom played in front of him. He listened to what took place and still said nothing, even as it was obvious that Asuka was suffering greatly for some reason. He switched to the video of "Asuka's" hospital bathroom where the redhead was examining herself with some clinical detachment, and a bit of something he didn't want to see in his beloved Rei… curiosity.

"As you can see," Ritsuko began, keeping just as straight of composure as he did, "the pilot's minds have somehow managed to switch bodies. Rei has ended up in Asuka's body, and has been acting a little out of character since then. I gave her a sedative and she went to sleep. Asuka however seemed like she had a psychotic episode of some kind. I don't have the details yet, but considering her reaction to her own reflection, I'd say she suffered some kind of hallucination."

"She probably saw herself becoming a doll," Gendo replied flatly.

"I surmised as much as she mentioned a few times she had become a doll while I tried to get her under control."

"Options," he asked (ordered) unceremoniously.

"Unfortunately I have no easy options right now. There was an unforeseen complication."

Gendo shut off the viewer. "Explain," he deadpanned.

"Lazarus triggered during the cross-synchronization experiment."

Gendo knew immediately the consequences of that. Lazarus was a system he ordered put in place back when Naoko Akagi was head of Project-E. During combat or training ops, Lazarus could gather data to reinforce the dummy plug system. Desirable data would automatically overwrite, but Lazarus was touchy, and tended to see everything as important.

System Rei… the Dummy Plug. Clones of Rei were uploaded with her experiences and combat data but only rudimentary control. They would obey orders given to the best of the ability of the original. Where the clones came from was another story. But this effectively created an autopilot system for EVA.

Now, all of that precious data, information collected and refined over many years was corrupted by data taken from Asuka… or perhaps both her and Rei at the same time.

"Can you determine the degree of corruption?" Gendo asked.

"Complete," Ritsuko replied immediately. "The data is beyond retrieval at this point, though we can recreate it with a new upload."

"You and I both know that won't work," Gendo replied in deadpan again. "So long as Rei is in the wrong body, the system won't respond to her. The biological layout of the brain would be completely different." He paused. "You assured me that this wouldn't happen."

"Based on the data I have, one of the EVA's activated the system."

"How?"

"I don't know," Ritsuko admitted. "But I can still fix this if I can get Rei back into her own body."

Gendo folded his hands. "Elaborate."

"If I can determine what caused the switch, I should be able to recreate the event and reverse the process. With Rei back in her own body, we can recover the Dummy Plug data."

"How long?" he asked impatiently.

"I don't know for sure," Ritsuko admitted. "At least a couple of days."

"Very well. Make this your top priority. I imagine I don't need to tell you to keep this between us."

Ritsuko nodded. "I'll get to work immediately. I still have a few hours left in me."

Ritsuko left the room. Only after she was gone did The Commander allow himself a sigh. Even in front of his closest subordinates, he would never show weakness on any level.

"This will not do," he whispered to himself. "An incident like this could completely wreck the scenario."

* * *

><p>Outside the office, Ritsuko allowed herself to finally relax a little.<p>

"He took it better than expected, at least on the surface," she whispered to herself. "But I know he's worried now." Ritsuko's face set on annoyance. "How could this have happened?" She asked herself. "I went over the details a dozen times... Lazarus shouldn't have triggered.

"According to the data, it was EVA-00 that issued the command override to activate Lazarus. Asuka was inside EVA-00 at that moment. She couldn't have overridden the lockout as she had no authority to do so. Besides, she doesn't even know about it. Rei couldn't do it either... which leaves only one possibility..."

Ritsuko entered the cages and looked up at Unit 00. She knew the EVA's had minds of their own but she also knew who's minds they were, at least in the case of 01 and 02. 00 however... she suspected that perhaps part of Naoko Akagi was in there but there was no way to prove it. Whoever lies within 00 however, obviously wanted Lazarus to trigger, effectively ruinining the Dummy Plug data. Which meant...

"The EVAs did this themselves... but why?"

* * *

><p><strong>Darkness<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Asuka found herself in an unfamiliar hallway. Quickly moving forward, she felt the cold tiles beneath her bare feet. Sweat poured from her, causing her hair to stick to her exposed neck. She was only wearing a hospital gown, but this place didn't seem like a hospital. While the air was as cool as one would expect, it was also slightly moist.<em>

_The décor was also not hospital worthy. It was reminiscent of a more homely structure but with cold laminate flooring. No windows could be seen anywhere giving the impression of being deep inside of something._

_"I've got to find Rei," she whispered as she approached a t-junction. Carefully, Asuka peered around the corner, seeing more of these endless hallways in both directions. "We're both in danger here."_

_Suddenly she heard a giggling sound, like the voice of a child. Auska looked back the way she came and saw what she feared. A life-size doll of her turned one of the corners. Its body was plastic, its eyes lifeless and dead. It walked towards her with a slow, almost zombie-like gait, though without shuffling._

_"Mama's waiting for us," it seemed to say as it continued its approach._

_"Get away from me!" Asuka cried out as she took off down the left hall. Her feet pounded the tiles as she tried to get her distance. But what was once an endless hall suddenly ended with a mirror, and she realized too late she took a wrong turn._

_"Oh, no," she whispered as she watched her reflection turn into another doll. This one was cloth with button eyes and yarn for hair, and barely three feet tall. She tried to run but was pounced upon by the doll as the mirror disappeared, and the image became all too real._

_She felt her back hit the ground as the doll attempted to restrain her. It was surprisingly strong for its smaller size, but Asuka managed to get her feet between them and kicked it off. She quickly got to her feet only to run into the first doll again. Its plastic hands held her shoulders in a grip like iron._

"_No! Let me go!" she cried out. She struggled against the hold but the doll's grip was like a pair of vices._

_"Naughty naughty little one," the cloth doll said in a sing-song voice. "It's time to join momma." It jumped on her back and threw a noose around her neck. Asuka screamed for help as she desperately tried to fight back. Suddenly everything shattered around her and she began to fall into darkness. Below her she could see her mother waiting with opened arms, and insanity in her eyes. The rope pulled tight as Asuka reached her..._

With a gasp Asuka sat up in bed and started coughing, trying to get her breath back as the last vestage of the nightmare faded. Almost immediately, she felt her back being rubbed in a circular motion to help calm her breathing. A gentle hand on her upper arm helped her regain her sense of self.

"_Mein gott_," Asuka managed to get out as her hand fell over her heart. She felt its rampant beating begin to slow as Doctor Akagi tried her best to be comforting.

"Try to relax," the doctor said. "That was obviously a really bad dream."

Auska's hand went to her hair, brushing it back with her hand. She felt the shortness of it, and frowned at that reminder that she wasn't in her own body.

"What time is it?" Asuka asked as she finally calmed down.

"About half past four in the morning," Ritsuko replied. "Do you want something to help you sleep?"

"_Nein_," she said immediately. "I feel like I'm already on enough drugs as it is."

Ritsuko frowned on that. "You're more right than you know."

Asuka's eyes widened a bit as that reality sank in. "So that's how he's doing it… that's how he's keeping her so dead inside… He's keeping her drugged."

"I'm afraid it's more complicated than that," Ritsuko replied as she produced a pill. Asuka immediately felt dread at its appearance. "Rei's body is unstable. This medication is designed to reverse that instability, but..."

"But the side effects are nasty," Asuka concluded, her eyes now focused on the demon pill before her. It was the size of a multivitamin and had a smooth coating with no ridges, marks or, details. It had a gray coloration to it… Asuka found that appropriate.

"Emotional atrophy, mild intoxication, and decreased tactile sensativity," Ritsuko explained. "It's like viewing the world through a filter."

"The filter is her reality," Asuka noted. "She's become reliant on it hasn't she?" After earning a nod, she continued. "Without it... what will happen?"

"I don't know," Ritsuko admitted. "But we'll know soon enough. She's on a moderate sedative now which is simulating the filter, but I can't keep giving it to her without adversely affecting your original body. Soon, she'll have to face the world at full force."

Ritsuko put the pill in Asuka's hand. She stared at it for a moment, feeling its negligible weight and smooth texture. It was the evil thing that turned Rei into a doll, and it would turn her into one as well. The worst part about it Asuka realized, was that there was no avoiding this.

"I'd like to feel that again. How long can her body be off the medicine for?" Asuka asked, hoping she could forgo further reminders she was in the doll's body.

"She can't," Ritsuko answered immediately.

"I was afraid you'd say that," Asuka replied. While the fear of becoming more like a doll caused her to tremble despite the filter already in place, the fear of death was even worse… especially since she knew she had to survive if Rei was to as well.

'_Rei can't survive in my body,' _she thought to herself as a cup of water was placed on the table next to her. _'She's going to need to time to adjust to becoming human… and I have to give her that time. I have to save her. And if Ritsuko can't get us back into our own bodies…'_

Asuka took the pill without further hesitation. Instantly she felt the world darken a bit around her as everything became distant.

'… _then I'll make sure she is at home in my body… then I'll stop taking the medication and allow myself to die. I can't live like this…but she at least deserves a chance at a normal life.'_

"Fast acting," Asuka noted. "I can already feel the effects of the filter intensifying."

"She can't always take her medication when she has to, military life being what it is," Ritsuko explained. "So the pill was designed with two time release layers, the first activates when any moisture at all hits it, the rest is dissolved over time."

"What is wrong with Rei that such horrible medicine is required for her to survive?"

"Asuka," Ritsuko started sadly. "Even if doctor-patient confidentially didn't apply here, I still couldn't tell you. That information is classified."

Asuka harrumphed at that. "The Commander has to protect his favorite doll, eh?"

Ritsuko frowned, but the point was understood. "Try to rest."

Asuka laid back and tried to get comfortable, but the tactile contact with the pillow and sheets kept reminding her of her changed reality. She could barely feel any of them. And now knowing that she was forced to feel like this until Doctor Akagi got them back into their own shells was almost unbearable.

"Do you have a plan to get us back in our own bodies?" she asked as Ritsuko made her way towards the door.

"I'm still trying to figure out how it happened in the first place," the doctor replied with frustration in her voice. "I'll keep you in the loop. I promise you Asuka, I will do everything within my power to get you girls back to your own bodies as soon as possible."

Asuka was forced to except that answer and nodded. Once Ritsuko was gone and closed the door Asuka concentrated on trying to feel the sheets and pillow as they were and not as she feels them now.

"Maybe the side effects can be resisted…" It was a hope she would hold on to for dear life.

* * *

><p><strong>Later<strong>

* * *

><p>One of many things Misato Katsuragi did not like doing on any day was coming in to work at or before dawn. Not having been given a reason why it was necessary to wake her up at 0430 hrs to come in "a.s.a.p." definitely ranked amongst her top pet peeves. Never-the-less being both a Major and the Director of Operations made it her job to report when ordered and not when convenient, despite whatever protests she might have had.<p>

"There had better be a damn good reason for me to be here," she grumbled as she swiped her card at the entrance and entered NERV. Oddly she was told to report to the hospital wing and she grumbled as to why it couldn't have been closer. Then… about halfway down the escalator she woke up partially, enough to realize the probable reason why she was being summoned so early… and to the hospital wing.

"Something's wrong with the girls," she concluded. And that thought put her maternity instincts into overdrive. Suddenly, it didn't matter that it was still shy of 0530 hours, or that she was woken up out of a dead sleep and told to come in. All that mattered was getting to the girls… now.

She all but ran down the remaining stairs on the escalator, apologizing to the people she nearly knocked down as she did so and managed to catch the next available train down to the Geo-Front proper. Her mind continued to give her nightmare scenarios as to what happened to the girls; Asuka ending up with Brain Damage, Rei going aphasic and spouting random nonsense, either of the girls catatonic or turned into a vegetable.

Such thoughts continued to torture her as she made her way into the Hospital Wing. Before the nurse at the main station could even finish her greeting Misato was demanding to know where the girls were. Closest was Asuka according to the nurse so she headed there immediately.

She peeked into Asuka's room and saw the red-head sitting up in her bed looking around nervously. Already this registered as not a good sign to her.

Misato entered the room, which immediately got the girl's attention.

"Hey you," Misato greeted, trying not to sound like she was ready to freak out completely on the inside.

"Major Katsuragi," the red-head replied barely above a whisper. "I am glad to see you." Her knees slid up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs, still covered by the sheet.

"What's wrong," Misato asked as she got closer, ignoring at first the fact that Asuka just addressed her by title and last name.

Misato's eyes feel upon the girls face, and she saw in the girl something she'd never seen in her before… fear… almost pure terror.

"Everything is so strange to me now," she whispered fearfully. "Clearer and sharper, and at the same time it is… it is too much! Major, please ask Doctor Akagi to give me another sedative!"

"Why? What?" Misato was so confused. "How can everything be strange? And why are you calling me…" It clicked in her head instantly as the girl looked at her with fear and pleading; use of proper titles rather than first names, no contractions in her speech… she wasn't talking to Asuka at all…

"Please!" the terrified girl pleaded again. "I am begging you! I cannot handle this much sensory input! It is too much!"

"Rei," Misato whispered. "By Kami…" She sat next to her and instantly, Rei threw herself into Misato's embrace. Like the good mother she tried to be to Shinji, she wrapped her arms around the trembling child hiding her from the world. Immediately, Rei started crying uncontrollably in her terror.

Everything around the girl was different from what she remembered. Colors more vivid, sounds much more defined, the feel of everything was different. It was like being thrown into a world she didn't know, and the worst part of it was her mind kept twisting things around her, making them a little scarier, though she couldn't understand why. She realized getting her full array of senses back would be terrifying on some level but her mind was now creating things that seemed far too sinister to exist, and yet… they were too real to ignore. Indescribable horrors lurked in every shadow, just beyond every piece of furniture. Worse yet, every so often she could hear the occasional giggle of her sisters in the well… and that for some reason now filled her with a feeling of pure dread.

"I have you now," Misato whispered to the hysterical girl. "I won't let anything hurt you, I promise."

Rei continued to bawl and tremble in Misato's firm embrace trying to take in the warmth of another body. Asuka's body was smaller than Rei's and now that she actually felt the cold, it was worse due to Asuka's lack of resistance. She continued to bury herself into Misato as she slowly used the woman to block out reality around her.

"Major?" Ritsuko whispered as the bottle-blonde quietly entered the room. Misato said nothing, looking towards the doctor briefly before returning all her attention back to the terrified child in her arms.

"Rei," Ritsuko whispered. "I have another sedative for you." Rei didn't move, other than to continue trembling. "You need to take this," Ristuko insisted. Slowly and carefully, Rei let go of Misato and looked at the doctor.

"Are… are these tears?" Rei asked in a frightened voice. "Is this what it is like to cry?"

"Yes, Rei," the doctor affirmed. "You are in fact crying. But that is a natural reaction for someone in your unique position."

Rei shifted herself so that her back was against Misato but refused to fully leave her embrace. She sniffed, wiping away more errant tears as she tried to get ahold of herself. But, now, outside of Misato's full embrace, she was exposed to the world again… and it made her feel vulnerable and unsafe. Ritsuko noted how Rei's eyes were slightly bulged and she was glancing around nervously as if expecting an attack to come at any moment. She couldn't see what the girl saw, but she guessed at its nature. Her mind was creating enemies, horrors beyond reason, silent but ever-present.

Ritsuko sat in front of her, limiting her field of view but by proxy, also limiting Rei's level of exposure. This seemed to calm her enough to at least take the sedative being offered to her. She quickly took the pill and drank all of the water. Much like the medication she took to stay alive, this worked fast. She felt the drug induced filter begin to close over her again. Unfamiliar sounds faded away, visual details faded a bit, and her sense of touch dulled slightly. The horrors went away, fading into light and shadow. Visibly she began to relax again, and allowed Misato to move her back to lying on her bed. As the covers were pulled over her she managed to whisper out a relieved sounding "thank you", just before she passed out.

The two older women moved out of the room and quietly closed the door. Misato leaned against the wall, crossing her arms under her breasts.

"How did Rei end up in Asuka's body?" Misato asked now that they were out of the room.

"So far, the only thing I can determine is that an exchange occurred," Ritsuko replied. "I still don't know how or why it happened. I've been studying the tapes, the data, everything… but I'm still no closer to figuring this out."

"Can you at least tell me why Rei's is acting so… fearful?"

"Long story," Ritsuko replied. "The short version is that Rei's unique medical situation had her taking a special drug all her life. Without it, her body would lose its chemical balance and break down, killing her. The only version of the drug that has been developed and works for her has some nasty side effects though, and I'm sad to say, Rei has become reliant upon those side effects the same way a drug addict is reliant upon getting his fix."

"I don't like the way you put that," Misato replied. She pushed off of the wall and walked around the other side of Ritsuko, the look on the Major's face was just shy of aggressive.

"I'm sorry," Ritsuko replied. "I simply don't have a better euphemism for you."

"What are these side effects?" the Major asked, ignoring the excuse.

"Emotional atrophy, reduced senses including tactile sensation, docility, and near unquestioned obedience."

Misato's eyes widened. "That's why she's so deadpan all the time! The drugs turn her into a living doll…" Misato's heart started beating rapidly as she realized something else. "And Asuka is now stuck in that same flawed body."

"She's been difficult to deal with since the incident," Ritsuko affirmed. "When she initially woke up and saw herself in the mirror, she had a hallucination of some kind that made her see herself becoming a doll. She's had nightmares about since then… presumably about dolls."

"Kami," Misato whispered as she wandered a few feet down the hall.

"I know she's resisting the side effects for the time being, but she'll start succumbing to them eventually."

"So what are you doing about it," Misato challenged as she turned back to the doctor.

"Misato," Ritsuko started, sounding somewhat nervous now. "I'm doing everything I can to figure out what caused this event so I can reverse it. These girls can't stay in each other's bodies… the mental trauma will destroy them utterly."

"I know that," Misato replied. "And I'm glad you realize it too."

"You don't need to lecture me, Major. Commander Ikari has already made it quite clear that this is a top priority situation and that I am to focus all of my efforts toward its resolution." Ritsuko placed a hand on the side of her head. "But I can't think straight at this point. I've been awake for nearly a full day and I need to get some rest, otherwise I'm no good to anyone, especially the girls."

"Hence, I'm assuming why you called me down here this early."

"That is correct, Major. I'm going to lay down on the couch in the room next to the office on this floor. It's not my bed, but it'll do. Do not let me sleep past 1400 hrs."

Misato nodded. "Where is Asuka?"

"She's in room 936," Ritsuko replied pointing down the hall. "Look, I wasn't going to say anything, but I think I should probably mention it. Something else is going on between the girls."

"What?" Misato asked with genuine concern.

"Both Asuka and Rei shortly after they woke up expressed concern for each other."

"Concern?" Misato asked. She knew the girls seemed to always be on the verge of fighting, but she did remember the briefing before the test began, and how they were interacting there.

"Rei asked how Asuka was holding up. I told her not well, and she replied in a way I never expected. She's never made requests of me before, but she specifically asked me to take care of her, sounding much more concerned than I ever heard from her before."

"Odd," Misato replied.

"Asuka also expressed concern for Rei after she calmed down from her episode."

"Perhaps they didn't hate each other as much as we were led to believe," Misato offered. "After all, teenage rivalries are just that. Maybe Rei was a bit more normal than you realized."

"Maybe," Ritsuko replied, sounding unconvinced. "We'll talk some more when I wake up."

Without another word, Ritsuko walked to the office. Misato made her way instead to room 936 which was only about 5 doors down from Rei. She wasn't surprised to find Asuka awake in the room, and somehow even less surprised to see she hadn't slept well.

"_Guten Morgan_", Misato greeted as she walked in.

"Not nearly," Asuka replied, pushing back her short azure hair. "I'm guessing you know what happened then."

"I talked to Doctor Akagi and I saw Rei," Misato replied. Keeping in mind what the doctor said about the two of them, Misato paid close attention to her reaction to that statement.

"How is she?" Asuka asked, genuinely sounding concerned. Hearing emotion in Rei's voice was a bit disconcerting considering how deadpan she is all the time. But the feeling conveyed by the question was unmistakable.

'_She's genuinely worried about her,' _Misato thought. While she expected at least some expression of concern, the feeling behind the words, even though a bit muted told Misato everything she needed to know; namely there was more to Asuka's feelings for Rei than met the eye.

"Unfortunately, not well," Misato admitted. "Ritsuko told me about the drugs Rei needs to keep her body from falling apart… and what the drugs do to her."

Asuka frowned. Misato continued.

"Being forced to face the world without a filter seems to be affecting her in ways I didn't even think would be the case. I figured she would be overjoyed at not having every emotional and sensory aspect of her conscious mind watered down to the point where she was going through life in what amounted to a drunken haze."

"You'd know all about that," Asuka pointed out.

Misato frowned but let that slide. "The point is she's acting not with wonder, but with terror."

Asuka straightened up her slouch instantly. "Terror?"

"She said it was too much, she couldn't handle the sensory input. Every little sound seemed to frighten her beyond words. Ever sensation was new to her, but new in a bad way. She's been so reliant on only getting about half of the normal sensory input that facing the world as it was meant to be is a terrifying experience for her."

"_Mein Gott,_" Asuka whispered. "It's worse that I thought it would be."

"How are you holding up?" Misato asked.

"Not well." She admitted. "I have been trying to resist the side-effects of the drug… not having a lot of luck though." Asuka held a hand in front of her. "All my senses are messed up; my hearing is reduced, my sight is sort of fuzzy, my sense of touch is almost dead… and the worst part about it is its taking real effort for me to care about all of it."

Misato looked upon Asuka sadly.

"The Commander wanted Rei to be the perfect little doll for him… this medicine is what made her that way… If I can figure out how to fight it off, maybe she can do the same."

"But to what end?" Misato asked. "Rei's reality is what you are seeing now. She's not able to handle the real world."

"And it's a sin to keep it that way," Asuka protested. "_Mein Gott, _don't you understand?! There is a real girl in there, wanting to be released and allowed to flourish. Now she has that chance. I know it's difficult for her now, but in time she'll see it and then maybe… she'll see…" Her voice trailed.

"See what?" Misato asked. Asuka said nothing, but a bluish color came over her cheeks in much the same way a normal person would turn red at the thought of something embarrassing or uncomfortable. Misato instantly realized what Asuka was going on about. "Oh… my…"

"What," Asuka demanded, trying to keep her composure.

"You're in love with Rei," Misato concluded.

Asuka decided there was no avoiding this conversation. "I have been since the seventh angel incident," she admitted. "I dedicated as much of my time as I could without revealing my intentions to get her to open up and act like a normal girl… to be the normal, beautiful, and exotic girl I knew she could be." Asuka appeared to smile slightly as her eyes unfocused. "I wanted it so bad… more than anything in my life and it's so strange for me. I never thought of myself as a lesbian… but I was not foolish enough to believe that real love could be gender-prejudiced. So when I realized I was in love with her, I didn't fight it for very long." Asuka lightly chuckled, though it sounded a bit forced. "I figured if I was ever to turn les or bi, Hikari would have been at the receiving end of it…"

Misato continued to let her speak her mind, though the shock of finding out the second child was in love with the first was a bit jarring.

"I love her… and yet I hate what she is," Asuka concluded. "In the end, I decided that her doll-like personae was the result of some nefarious outside influence and I dedicated myself to finding it. But, now… not only did I find it, but I'm being tortured by it."

"Asuka," Misato whispered sadly.

"We are both being forced to live a nightmare, Misato-san. Both Rei and I… I think I can hear the voice from the pillow now," she continued as she lay back down. "I must endure this… otherwise I will fall to my own nightmares. And I must live long enough at least…"

"Long enough for what?" Misato asked. But Asuka didn't respond. "Asuka?"

"I wish to rest," she replied. "We will talk more on this later."

Misato sighed. "Alright… rest well."

Asuka didn't reply to that.

Misato stepped outside the room and quietly closed the door. But Asuka's last words shook her up.

"Long enough she said… long enough for what?" Misato didn't like the implications…

* * *

><p><em>mit diesem Herz hab ich die Macht (With this heart I have the power)<em>

_die Augenlider zu erpressen (To blackmail the eyelids)_

_ich singe bis der Tag erwacht (I sing till the day wakes up)_

_ein heller Schein am Firmament(a bright shine at the heaven sky)_

_Mein Herz brennt (My heart burns)_


End file.
